Joe Mazzulla's 30 best quotes since becoming Celtics coach

Celtics

“People will say the target is on our backs, but I hope it's right on our forehead, between our eyes. I hope I can see the red dot.”

Joe Mazzulla has only been the head coach of the Boston Celtics for two seasons.

But the hyperfocused and often outspoken basketball coach has delivered headline-grabbing quotes and viral musings while answering questions from the media for decades.

The 2024 NBA champion set the tone for the upcoming 2024-25 season on Monday, emphasizing that Boston isn't focused on pressure in its title defense because, as the 36-year-old coach put it, “We're all in this.” “Be dead soon.”

Add to that his obsession with the Ben-Affleck-directed film The Town, enjoying the pain of tearing his meniscus and romping on killer whales, and Mazzula's press junkets and interviews have now become NBA appointments.

With Celtics 2024-25 play starting on Tuesday (and more Mazzulla soundbites inevitably on the way), here's a look back at 30 of Mazzulla's best quotes since taking over as Boston's head coach.

1. “People will say the target is on our backs, but I hope it's right on our forehead, between our eyes. I hope I can see the red dotsaid Mazzulla when asked on the Locked On Celtics Podcast about teams targeting Boston as reigning champions.
2. “I wouldn’t say I enjoyed the offseason. I enjoyed the parade. I found the parade to be a pretty intense experience.” — Joe Mazzulla on his summer.
3. “Before I forget, no one has ever asked me what my favorite scene from 'The Town' was. I know you all know this is my favorite movie, but no one has ever been curious about what my favorite scene is? …My favorite is Doug MacRay, who is about to leave town, and he passes the FBI car, leaves a nice, thoughtful handwritten note under the antenna, and then leaves town. This is my favorite scene.– Mazzulla on “The Town.”
4. “Zero, don’t feel any difference. And I think if you're ever lucky enough to do it again, if it feels different – then I'd rather not do it again.” — Mazzulla on whether the 2024-25 season will feel different after winning a championship.
5. “If we ever decided to rob Fenway, I thought, 'We'll probably really get away with this.' How could you not go to Fenway and think you couldn't rob it?” — Mazzulla on visiting Fenway Park after seeing “The Town.”
6. “We’ll all be dead soon, and that doesn’t really matter anymore, so there’s no pressure.” – Mazzulla on the pressure the Celtics face in 2024-25.
7. “That will never happen if you don’t run back on defense, rebound, execute and maintain your spacing. That’s the most important thing.” – Mazzulla when asked before Game 5 of the NBA Finals about joining the ranks of other legendary coaches in Boston.
8. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph? …I only know one royal family. I don’t know much about that.” – Mazzulla when asked about being in the presence of Prince William and Kate Middleton during a Celtics game in November 2022.
9. “I’m always ready to be blown away.” – Mazzulla after Charles Barkley said he would have “beat the living daylights out of him” for blocking opposing players' shots during a timeout.
10. “I wonder how many of them were Christian coaches?” – Mazzulla when asked about the significance of the 2024 NBA Finals having two Black head coaches.
11. “Nobody cares.” — Mazzula's response to Derrick White after the Celtics guard congratulated him on being named NBA Coach of the Month at the start of the 2023-24 season.
12. “Obviously winning isn’t important, is it? A win is not valuable.” — Mazzulla on rejecting Kristaps Porzingis and Derrick White from the All-Star vote in February.
13. “The animal kingdom is the purest form of hierarchy and role definition that exists.” — Mazzulla when asked why he includes animal analogies in his messages to the team.
14. “I still do it. I highly recommend it.” – Mazzulla continues when he sleeps with his mouth taped shut.
15. “It's beautiful.” – Mazzulla on no Celtics player being named a finalist for NBA awards in the 2023-24 season.
16. “Stop fouling.” — Mazzula's message to the Celtics after getting into foul trouble in a playoff game against the 76ers in May 2023.
17. “Have you ever seen Spider-Man?” … “Into the Spider-Verse”? There are like 20 different Spider-Men? This is like our team.” – Mazzulla on versatility on the 2023-24 Celtics roster.
18. “Either we will win or we won't, and in 40 years none of you will be invited to my funeral and that's it.“ – Mazzulla on why the media doesn’t influence him in his job.
19. “I was kind of excited about the whole situation. So I had fun watching it.” – Mazzulla on the on-court altercation between the Celtics and Heat during Game 1 of their playoff series in April.
20. “I would just walk until I die.” — Mazzulla on running a marathon.
21. “It was a great experience for me.” — Joe Mazzulla on tearing the meniscus in his knee in the 2023/24 season.
22. “We watch the scene where Batman goes into the interrogation room with Joker and they're talking and Batman asks, 'Why do you want to kill me?' And as if the Joker starts laughing. “He says, 'I don't want to kill you.' He says, 'I need you.' You complete me.' And it was the coolest moment. As if good and evil had to coexist.” — Mazzulla on “The Dark Knight.”
23. “I saw his face………. And after that all I saw was his attitude.” – Mazzulla on what he saw from Jaylen Brown after he took off his protective mask in April 2023.
24. “Aren’t we all in someone’s eyes? In the eyes of others, we are all villains.” – Mazzulla on Kyrie Irving being labeled a villain in Boston.
25. “In a war there are no fouls. You either die or you don’t.” — Sam Hauser on his favorite Mazzulla quote.
26. “It's beautiful. You should be booed. To me it's the ultimate compliment.” – Mazzulla on being booed by Celtics fans.
27. “I’m the worst coach ever.” – Mazzulla leaves a Zoom conference call with the media in May 2023.
28. “If you've ever argued with someone and you think you're about to beat them, you usually get hit. The closer you are to defeating them, the closer you are to defeat.” – Mazzulla on the Celtics' 2-0 lead in the 2024 NBA Finals.
29. “If they don’t change the light bulbs in the arena they won’t be any brighter than they were last series.” – Mazzulla on the bright lights of the NBA Finals.
30. Everyone wants to win until it's actually time to win. And then you have to freak out and do a lot of (expletive) that you don’t want to do.” — Mazzulla on the Celtics' mindset during the playoffs.

---

Conor Ryan is a staff writer covering the Bruins, Celtics, Patriots and Red Sox for Boston.com, a role he has held since 2023.

---